Come February 28th Who Will Own The Amiga? Does It Matter?
A new Amiga, a new chipset, new cutting edge hardware? By year end? Guess, much like everyone else, I must chime in now with my prophesy. I believe no one will own Amiga Technologies after February 28th. Let's look at this logically. Why has it taken so long for the bankruptcy to be completed? For that matter, why did the Commodore bankruptcy take so long? Because it never happened! Just look to the past. Amiga hid as a peripheral manufacturer while developing the Amiga. Well, would it be so far fetched for Commodore to be hiding out in an underground facility in West Chester Pennsylvania with an entirely new staff. Secretly developing, under this cloak of secrecy, the Advanced, AAAAGA chipset-equipped Amiga 6000 slated for release before the 1997 Christmas shopping season. Key players in all this would be the new staff of Commodore. The VP in charge of Marketing would be required to come up with advertising to tantalize the droves of GatesCrate purchasers to drop their Pentium 200's and check out the new wonder machine while the VP of Distribution would be required to make sure that there was an Amiga close by to replace that box the consumer just dropped. What advertisement could inspire such awe, you ask. Elvis, VP of Marketing for Commodore UG (undergrond), is already producing the first in a line of commercials featuring GatesCrates and Mac's singing "All shook up" while Amigas dance around them in a multimedia masterpiece. Now to distribution. How can the new Commodore get the Amiga into inflexible stores like CompUSA and Egghead? The new VP of Distribution, Jimmy Hoffa, and his team of highly-trained professionals have been in deep negotiations with these chains in preparation for the product launch. The pitch goes like this: "You WILL accept delivery of 50,000 Amiga 6000s so the boys can stop breaking those 20-inch Multisync monitors, right?"
So, my friends, see? There really was nothing to worry about after all.
All company names used in this parody are registered trademarks. Commodore is a registered trademark of whomever owns it today.